Daily Wellness Report: 2.14.20

Happy Valentine's Day!  Here's my poop report to celebrate!  :)

PRIOR NIGHT’S SLEEP: Approximately 7 hours.

MORNING SUGAR: 89 (Holy low sugar, Batman!)

BOWEL MOVEMENT (s): 1 poo this morning.  For details, see "therapy homework" below.

BREAKFAST: 2 cups of coffee, with half-n-half and a total of 4 Splendas.  2 pieces of peanut butter toast.  2 mini sausage biscuits (sliders).  And upon arrival home from my hike?  The other half had prepared bacon, so I helped myself to 5 pieces of that... and I saw that it was good.

LUNCH: Turkey and cheese sandwich with light Miracle Whip.  Handful of Cheetos.  1 diet cherry Pepsi. 

DINNER: Diced and fried up another potato (shared w/ the other half), with onions, Parmesan cheese and chopped up pieces of the morning's leftover bacon.  And 1 turkey burger (from frozen).  1 can of diet root beer.  

SNACKS: 1 granola bar on the way up for my hike.  Handful of peanuts for an evening snack.  I feel as though there was something else in there, but my memory is failing on that front.

EXERCISE: Full body stretch.  Runyon hike.  Only did one loop this morning, as wasn't feeling super hot.  So up the Fire Road and down "the stairs", then home.  400 ab crunches / sit-ups.

TOTAL NO. OF STEPS: 8595.  No morning "fog walk" and I stopped wearing my watch when we settled in for our movie double feature -- which of course, wouldn't have resulted in more steps anyway.  So I'm good w/ 8595.

WRITING: This blog.  And since I was up in the middle of the night, with a sour stomach, I wrote 4 brand new pages on the second draft of "Trip".  Hey, it was after midnight, so that counts as work today, right?  Other than that, I mostly kept to my promise of a "lazy day" -- and my anxiety paid for it!  Yay!

THERAPY HOMEWORK: New homework is to have my morning breakfast, morning coffee and Miralax, and then to wait for complete urgency -- that I've got to go #2.  And once that sensation arrives, I'm to time out how long I can hold it.  Well, today, I made it 15 minutes from the first big urge, to letting my body do what it needed to do.  The point of this exercise (and I'm to do it every day before my next appointment) is to condition my brain, for when there is an actual emergency poop (in the car, or on the subway) and know that I am actually able to control an "emergency" for a specific amount of time.  Makes sense, so we'll see how it goes over the next week.  As I mentioned to my psychiatrist at yesterday's session, my new motto is, "I control my bowels.  My bowels do not control me."

SOCIAL OUTINGS: Shortened morning hike, but no social interaction, other than w/ my hubby today.

MEDITATIVE WRITING: Fascinating lesson learned today.  I consciously chose to be a lazy bum today, not really taking on any projects as far as writing.  I also chose to not do my meditative writing today and I do sincerely believe that it makes not only a difference in getting some writing done, but in keeping me calm.  My anxiety levels were really through the roof today.  I couldn't relax (although I did get an early afternoon nap in) and felt jittery and uncomfortable all day long.  So my theory is that this bit of meditation (for the sake of writing) truly has begun to make a difference.

I was also crabby for a good chunk of the day.  And a bit before dinner, quite "down".  Back to the grind on this meditation tomorrow, that's for certain!  Experiment to see if doing this makes my day and my anxiety levels feel a bit different.

READING: I'm down to 4 stories left in my Lovecraft collection, but I'm having a hard time diving back in -- since the  4 left are the longest tales.  I'm also pooped from my anxiety-ridden day, so may be just going straight to bed.

HOUSEHOLD CHORES / PROJECTS:  OMG.  Nothing, other than cooking dinner.  Talk about a lazy day!

OTHER / MISC.: Watched two classic and beloved films, in an effort to get me out of today's anxiety and funk.  Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead and the 1988 remake of The Blob.  Nostalgia and movie familiarity does a body good.  I think they did the trick.  :)

DID I MAKE THE BED? Yes.

DID I POOP MY PANTS? No poopy pants.

Overall, again -- plenty of anxiety.  Even making the choice to just sit around and be unproductive, hit me pretty hard in the afternoon, realizing how much work I have to get done and that none of it was going to happen today.  My goal is to be able to one day actually enjoy a day off -- and using the brainlessness of such a day, to simply fuel my next day's work.  It makes sense, but dammit, I can't seem to shut off my worries.  

And there was a great deal of anxiety on my hike this morning.  Not even halfway up the city streets to get to Runyon, I was not feeling well.  Stomach felt unsettled and just an overall malaise filled my body and mind.  But I pushed through, doing one loop.  I knew that a second loop wasn't in the cards, but was happy I got out there anyway.

Bottom line?  Today, I just could not get out of my head.