MORNING SUGAR: 104
BOWEL MOVEMENT (s): 2 this morning. One regular, and shortly before I headed out for my hike, a second, lesser one (details below).
BREAKFAST: 2 cups of coffee, with half-n-half and a total of 4 Splendas. 1 McDonalds sausage McMuffin with egg (leftover from yesterday's excursion). 2 Belvita biscuits (on the way up to my hike). 1 banana.
LUNCH: 2 toasted English Muffins, with butter, turkey and Colby Jack cheese. A handful of SunChips. Water to drink. 2 pudding cups for dessert.
DINNER: McDonald's again (don't judge, it was convenient and I was feeling lazy): 1 McDouble. 1 McChicken. A handful of SunChips. 1 Cadbury creme egg.
SNACKS: 1 Cadbury creme egg. Afternoon: 1 pear, a handful of peanuts. Late evening snack: 2 toasted English Muffins with peanut butter.
EXERCISE: Full body stretch. Runyon hike: Only did one loop (see notes below) and ran from the East Trail lower bench (below "the stairs") to the Fuller St. entrance. 400 ab crunches / sit-ups upon arriving home.
TOTAL NO. OF STEPS: 10810
WRITING: This blog. 1165 words on my novel, "Island Hunters". Worked through 10 pages on the third draft of "Trip".
THERAPY HOMEWORK: I've not done shit on my therapy homework this week. Yes, I've attempted the "hold your poo following coffee" walk, but on two occasions, that's just not worked. I've not done my 2-3 driving excursions to some random place on the LA map. And I've not used my "worry time". Frankly, with an important appointment (not therapy, that's on Thursday) pending tomorrow, I think I'm on edge more than usual, and leaving the house sounds almost unbearable at the moment. And on top of all of this -- I have to feel bad that I haven't gotten any of these exercises done. Not a good week for me.
SOCIAL OUTINGS: Hike. A quick excursion to see a buddy, who was working on a shoot on Hollywood Blvd.
MEDITATIVE WRITING: 35 minutes of meditative writing, resulting in 1165 words written on "Island Hunters".
READING: Logging off shortly. We'll see if I can dig into those final two Lovecraft stories. Frankly, I think I'm holding off/dragging my feet, because I've so enjoyed this collection, that I'm not quite ready to let go.
HOUSEHOLD CHORES / PROJECTS: Nada.
OTHER / MISC.: N/A
DID I MAKE THE BED? Yes.
DID I POOP MY PANTS? Nope.
Anxiety was quite high today. On my way up to Runyon, I was having several "spikes" of poo anxiety. It seems that in addition to my "purge" poos, where my body expels absolutely everything (these are about once every 2 weeks), I also sometimes have a secondary, smaller poo (randomly, about every 2 weeks as well), where my handful of morning pills (for the "diabeetus"), don't have much time to do what they're meant to do, as they're expelled rather quickly in that secondary poop, barely even absorbed.
So, knowing that my body is in "expel" mode, heading up to the wilds of Runyon, needless to say, my poo anxiety was pretty damned high this morning. As such, I only did one loop. Which then pisses me off -- "giving up".
The other half and I have an appointment tomorrow, something we scheduled over a month ago. It has to do with that "unfortunate event" I've posted (but remained vague) about previously. And with this coming back into the light and therefore into "trigger" territory, I think this might be why I'm feeling extra "I'm not leaving the house" lately. Severely on edge and today, quite down/depressed. At one point this afternoon, I found myself sitting in one of our living room chairs, sorta curled up in a ball. Music wasn't soothing me. I didn't feel like working and the television didn't sound inviting. So I sat there, watching the hummingbirds using the feeder in our window.
Someone posted something on social media, along the lines of "I'm depressed and don't get work done. Then I'm pissed at myself, since I didn't get work done". Such a stupid, vicious cycle.
Luckily, I found some energy in the early evening and worked on the new draft of "Trip".
I'm supposed to be using "worry time" -- basically, when I have a worry in the day, I'm to write it down and set it aside -- revisiting it later in the day (7:30pm) and just WORRY for a full half hour. Again, didn't happen today.
Things seem awfully difficult today.
Anxiety was quite high today. On my way up to Runyon, I was having several "spikes" of poo anxiety. It seems that in addition to my "purge" poos, where my body expels absolutely everything (these are about once every 2 weeks), I also sometimes have a secondary, smaller poo (randomly, about every 2 weeks as well), where my handful of morning pills (for the "diabeetus"), don't have much time to do what they're meant to do, as they're expelled rather quickly in that secondary poop, barely even absorbed.
So, knowing that my body is in "expel" mode, heading up to the wilds of Runyon, needless to say, my poo anxiety was pretty damned high this morning. As such, I only did one loop. Which then pisses me off -- "giving up".
The other half and I have an appointment tomorrow, something we scheduled over a month ago. It has to do with that "unfortunate event" I've posted (but remained vague) about previously. And with this coming back into the light and therefore into "trigger" territory, I think this might be why I'm feeling extra "I'm not leaving the house" lately. Severely on edge and today, quite down/depressed. At one point this afternoon, I found myself sitting in one of our living room chairs, sorta curled up in a ball. Music wasn't soothing me. I didn't feel like working and the television didn't sound inviting. So I sat there, watching the hummingbirds using the feeder in our window.
Someone posted something on social media, along the lines of "I'm depressed and don't get work done. Then I'm pissed at myself, since I didn't get work done". Such a stupid, vicious cycle.
Luckily, I found some energy in the early evening and worked on the new draft of "Trip".
I'm supposed to be using "worry time" -- basically, when I have a worry in the day, I'm to write it down and set it aside -- revisiting it later in the day (7:30pm) and just WORRY for a full half hour. Again, didn't happen today.
Things seem awfully difficult today.
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