Mid-Life Crisis?

It's a legit question.  I'll be turning 46 in a few short months and there are a few things -- brewing for several years (a pre-mid-life crisis?) which I've noticed.

My tastes are changing and this alarms me a bit.

Those who know me well, know that I've been a Madonna fan for a good long while -- to the point of obsession.

But I have had little to no interest in her output over the past decade or so.  In fact, I don't own, and have not even heard the complete playlist of her last three albums.  I even just had to look it up to be certain there wasn't a fourth album which I missed in there.  No interest in her music.  No interest in her shenanigans.  Simply no interest.  Yes, I still love so much of her previous music, but even those tracks don't hold the same deep-seated love.

And while this has been a steady decline in my ultimate Madonna fandom -- I think beginning around the time of release of her last album (which I actually physically purchased), Confessions on a Dance Floor (Hard Candy was a download purchase), the last decade has been truly nada as far as love and obsession.

Is this just part of growing older, as my psychiatrist suggested?

I even find myself less involved emotionally with movie awards season.  While I enjoyed this year's Oscars (and most of the winners), I was just not completely invested.  And The Golden Globes this year?  I was actually annoyed with the telecast.

I still love movies, but something is changing there too.  Old beloved films, which have always brought me pleasure, and in some cases, been able to calm me with their familiarity and nostalgia -- don't have that same expected (and dare I say, needed) power over me.

And the idea that things I've always relied upon, to please me and to DEFINE me, no longer have the same effect, it's sorta worrisome, right?

While zombies, my ultimate love (and ultimate definer -- is that a word?) still hold a high place in my fan heart -- they no longer scare me.  Sure, I still use them in my writing -- quite often actually, but they don't make me legitimately afraid.  And yes, a good zombie movie will still scare me -- but not to my core.

Is it age?  Is it a crisis of identity?  Is it as simple as, tastes change?  Nothing to worry about?

And even horror films in general, which I've loved for decades -- some of them now seriously upset me.  Like, my emotions are more likely to be upset by devastating things on-screen.  Is that a reaction to the real-life horrors around us, in our world and on the news having softened me?  The constant bombardment of world troubles, has made me weaker?

Sheesh.  I wish I could understand these changes, or at least blindly accept them with a "You're older and wiser" or "Time to put away childish things", perhaps?

Is my mind clearing the way for my next chapters -- making room for more grown-up things, or for other necessary upgrades, perhaps career-wise?

In this era of change for me -- notably my recent diagnosis of agoraphobia and generalized anxiety -- are these adjustments in my taste, part of dealing with my anti-social behavior and mental shortcomings?  Are they at all connected?

I've often chalked all of this up to a good old-fashioned mid-life crisis (thus this entry's title).  Things that have defined me for decades -- no longer do.

So then, this begs the question.  Who am I?  If I'm not a Madonna fan, or a horror fan or a zombie fan (if that time ever comes), then who the hell am I?

Creepy and crazy questions -- lingering around in my brain ever day, at least as of late.

And this my friends, is a question to pose and hopefully gain some insights or to take it as a simple "getting it off of my chest"... which is what this blog is for, I guess.

Cheap therapy, yo.